The Six Nations has rolled around again, and every England fan was hoping for an improvement over their lacklustre Autumn performances. When Andy Goode [left] scored a try within 95 seconds of kickoff, we were thinking it might come true. But the euphoria was short lived.

To be honest, most people were more interested in the shocking performance of the hapless Mauro Bergamasco, a Flanker playing Scrum Half. Itatian coach Nick Mallett might have had his hands forced by injury nightmares, but within the first few minutes, it was obvious to everyone that he was far from competant at No. 9.

Another Bergamasco error saw him sucked into a ruck, missing the ball as it popped up for James Haskell to flick a pass towards Harry Ellis [right], who took full advantage and sprinted 20m to cross the line with a slide, evading Italian defenders.

Minutes later the Italian’s day went from bad to nightmare when he botched a pass to Gonzalo Garcia, enabling Andy Goode to gather, kick ahead and the move was finished off by Riki Flutey [left].

That left England going in at the break 22-6 up.

Thankfully, Mallett put us all out of our misery an brought on his 5th choice Scrum Half  Giulio Toniolatt for his second cap in the second half. He was certainly an improvement!

There were three more tries in the second period – a second for Man-Of-The-Match Ellis, a consolation try for Miro Bergamasco (at least one brother did something right), and a welcome return to the scoreboard (and team) for Winger Mark Cueto [right].

The final result was a rather flattering 36-11. There will be plenty for Martin Johnson to work on during the coming seven days. I can hardly see the Welsh quaking in their boots for next week’s clash at the Millennium Stadium. But one or two England fans might be.

After having to play knockout rugby for the preceding 4 games, England did their very best, but the Springboks just seemed to have the edge. Everyone in the pub was convinced Mark Cueto‘s try should have been allowed, but in the cold light of day, and having seen the replay properly, I’m prepared to admit it was the right call.

The South Africans never really got into top gear, with their supposedly secret weapons Bryan Habana and JP Pietersen not getting much ball and therefore never really cutting loose. But I think the Boks had played the better rugby for most of the tournament, so in the end they were worthy winners and the William Webb Ellis trophy [above] will be going home with them.

Jake White will be in charge for one last game, against the Barbarians at Twickenham on 1st December, but then he’ll be looking for a new challenge. Who knows where he’ll end up. The game is rather amusingly being billed as “Socks vs Boks”, from the tradition that Barbarians’ players may wear the black and white hooped jersey, but they always bring their own current team socks with them. It will also be Jason Robinson‘s last ever game, so I’m sure he’ll get a good sendoff from the crowd, whatever the final score.

At the half hour, England were looking a bit flat, until great interplay between Simon Shaw and Mark Cueto pushed England upfield, then a chip ahead from Jonny Wilkinson put Paul Sackey over in the corner. Jonny added the two points to take England to 23-6. In the last couple of minutes of the half, Loki Crichton slotted two penalties to leave Samoa trailing by 23-12.

Samoa continued to claw back the deficit with another penalty kick just after the break, but it was cancelled out three minutes later when Jonny Wilkinson added three points of his own, having been felled by a high tackle from Brian Lima, to take the score to 26-15.

However, Samoa were far from giving up the ghost, and in the 47th minute, Junior Polu scored (it was close, the TMO had to be consulted) and Crichton converted – Samoa were back in the game, only 4 points behind at 26-22.

For the next twenty minutes, the score was stuck right there, although England came close around 55 minutes from a catch and drive manoeuvre, the forwards rumbled along, Samoa were penalised and Wilko missed a drop goal attempt while playing the advantage. Uncharacteristically, he also missed the resulting kick at goal.

Around 60 minutes, Samoa had a chance, camped deep in English territory, with forwards and backs involved, but England defended furiously and eventually turned over for a counter-atack.

A few substitutions for England followed, and they were beginning to look a little nervous. Crichton chipped ahead for Samoa, Andy Gomarsall [left] covered well. England scrapped on the floor, turned the ball over, and Nick Easter crashed his way upfield. Wilkinson could see that the try wasn’t on, and calmly popped a nerve-steadying drop goal, to take the score up to 29-22.

Samoa botched the restart kick, giving England a scrun in the centre of the field. Samoa infringed, so Jonny decided to kick for goal. He struck a beautiful, sweet kick straight through the middle of the posts, and England were 10 points ahead at 32-22.

As if the hammer home the advantage, Martin Corry went over in the 76th minute, for his second try, from a pass from Paul Sackey [right]. Jonny converted, but not to be out-done, Sackey snuck up the right wing for his second score in the 80th minute. This time, Jonny didn’t add the extra points, but England were home and dry with a 44-22 win.

Thank heavens for that! England showed some promising improvements after the South Africa debacle. Let’s hope they continue on their upward path for their game against Tonga next weekend.

Olly Barkley was one positive – he had a good game and fully deserved his Man of the Match award. He distributed well, and went over for a try. Despite the spear tackle from Paul Emerick [right] late on, he got up and finished the game. Emerick’s World Cup is over after being banned for 5 weeks for the dangerous tackle.

Mike Catt had the chance of a try around the half hour mark, but USA defended well and cleared their lines. USA’s Esikia was sent to the bin around the same time, and Olly managed to kick the points. Soon after, Josh Lewsey made a good break, which ended when he tripped over his own feet! However, he managed to offload to Tom Rees, then across to Jason Robinson who crossed the line for England’s 100th World Cup try. Barkley’s conversion attempt floated wide.

Just before half time, Mike Hercus attempted a drop goal, which was collected by Mark Cueto, then passed off to Olly Barkley who crossed over for a morale-boosting try.

[Olly Barkley clears the ball close to his own lines]

In the second half, Tom Rees [left] darted over the line for a score with Barkley kicking the extras. However, the rest of the England team were sloppy and kept making silly mistakes. They were never really dominant in the scrum, and Mark Regan‘s throwing wasn’t terribly accurate. George Chuter didn’t do much better when he came on. Perhaps Lee Mears would have been a better bet?

The Eagles’ Blake Burdette nearly got a try, but Mark Cueto saved the day. Lawrence Dallaglio was sent off at 73 minutes, for lying on the ball. He hadn’t played well anyway, looking sluggish and out of form. [right, one of Dallaglio's few high points in the game]

Replacement prop Matekitonga Moeakiola made it over the line for a well-deserved score just after, with Hercus hitting the conversion. Andy Farrell made a decent break during the dying moments of the game – he looked reasonably sharp when he came on as a replacement with some of the other heavy brigade.

So, England won 28-10, but it was far from pretty. They’ll have to do a lot better next Friday if they’re going to get another win against South Africa. Pull your socks up, lads!

Impossible job? Mike Ford, England’s defence coach, has one of the toughest jobs in rugby right now. Let’s hope he’s been doing his homework!

Two guys that we will miss on the pitch, and won’t be able to renew their sparring from last year (see above) are Mark Cueto and Dan Carter. Cueto failed to recover from injury sustained in a Heineken Cup game against the Ospreys. Carter, meanwhile, is rested by Graham Henry ahead of the All Blacks’ games against France and Wales. Nick Evans gets the nod at No. 10.

England ‘had to gamble on youth’ – Shaun Perry (left) and Anthony Allen win their first caps against the All Blacks – what a baptism of fire! And Paul Sackey is primed for his England chance to impress. He certainly flies for Wasps on the Wing.

Old boy Iain Balshaw is shocked by his England chance at Fullback. I’m sure he’ll make the most of it. And talking of renaissances, lock Ben Kay has recently found his form again. All in all, Graham Henry expects England to come out on the attack when they take the field in front of a record 82,000 fans on Sunday.

Comback Kings?
Jonny Wilkinson is set for his latest comeback – how many is that now?
Hilly scored a try during his first match for Saracens in their Guinness A League defeat of Northampton, 43-12.And Dallaglio thinks if he doesn’t get picked for the Six Nations squad next year, he’s probably blown his chance at another pop at the World Cup.

One final thought:
The underdogs can triumph on the day – as Australia found out to their cost when they were beaten by the Ospreys last night! Well done, guys!

The Tigers must be a tad gutted, but from all accounts, Sale outplayed them quite comprehensively. The lovely Mark Cueto scored a try for Sale in the first ten minutes. You may recall my mention of him as a suitable hors d’ouvres in a previous post (Feb 24th, Á La Carte Menu). But I didn’t provide a full-length picture – so here you go: Cute-O [sic] taking a fluid break during the Sarries vs Sharks game back last September.

Never one to resist a challenge, I thought about it for about five seconds, and came up with my answers. Here we go:

Starter: Better known as a great finisher, Mark Cueto (should be pronounced Cute-O I reckon). Always light on his feet, and a nice appetiser.

Main Course: Would have to be the finest example of British Beef, Danny Grewcock [there you go, Bob, my first mention of Danny!!]. Probably would require to be Well Done, bearing in mind how tough he appears on the pitch. But little room left for side dishes or veggies.

After a suitable pause, we move on to Dessert: Kevin Yates, in the great tradition of stodgy puds like Spotted Dick and Custard [please note, I have absolutely no anecdotal evidence to back up this assumption].

Another pause required, and then we move onto a little something with the coffee: You can keep your waffeur thin mints (like Richard Houghton), but carrying on the theme, a wee French Fancy might be Dmitri Yachvili, or possibly Jean-Baptiste Ellisalde. They’re so small, one would probably have both to round off the meal

My menu might not be to everyone’s taste! But I think it would not require further nourishment to be taken on for some days. By the way, you were warned that this Blog has MAD in the title. Twice. You don’t really expect me to be serious, do you?